My mother has cancer. The recent diagnosis has left me anticipating a very poor prognosis. She is only 55, just 18 years older than me. I wonder now what it would be like if I only have 18 years left, or less. What would I change now if i had only 15, 10 or even 5 years left. How must my mother be thinking about changing her life with the possibility of only a year or two left.
Almost unconsciously over the last few weeks my behavior is changing and I notice the same changes in the people around me who are also in the impact zone. The first thing that increases is graciousness. Petty annoyances don’t matter anymore. Why waste time and energy on unimportant negative attitudes and actions. The second thing is spontaneity. I find I have greater desire to open up to new experiences in the possibly limited time I have.
This is leading to an improved quality of experience, an increased breadth and depth. Sadness is quietly accepted and incorporated into daily life but the joys increase as well. Little things are a wonder and life becomes more vivid. Paradoxically, living at the edge of death seems to improve the quality of our lives.
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